English lost its formal "you" four hundred years ago and has been fine ever since. German kept it, which means that before you say anything to anyone in Germany, you've already made a decision about the relationship.
The good news: the rule is mostly about where you are, not who you're talking to. The bad news: there's no neutral option, so you can't dodge it. Here's how to get it right nearly every time.
The Short Version
Use Sie with anyone you'd address by surname. Use du with friends, family, children, and anyone who has offered it.
If that's all you read, you'll be fine. The rest of this page is the detail that stops you second-guessing.
The Same Sentence, Both Ways
| English | du | Sie |
|---|---|---|
How are you? | Wie geht's dir? | Wie geht es Ihnen? |
What's your name? | Wie heißt du? | Wie heißen Sie? |
Do you have time? | Hast du Zeit? | Haben Sie Zeit? |
Can you help me? | Kannst du mir helfen? | Können Sie mir helfen? |
Where do you live? | Wo wohnst du? | Wo wohnen Sie? |
Do you speak English? | Sprichst du Englisch? | Sprechen Sie Englisch? |
Sit down. | Setz dich. | Setzen Sie sich. |
your | dein / deine | Ihr / Ihre |
Quick notes:
- The Sie column is easier to produce than it looks: the verb is always the same form as "they," and it never changes. Sie haben, Sie kommen, Sie sind. That's why the pronouns lesson says learning Sie gets you they for free.
- The du forms are where German verbs get irregular — du hast, du bist, du sprichst, du nimmst. More work, but you'll use them with the people you talk to most.
- Ihr and Ihre (your, polite) are capitalised in the middle of a sentence, exactly like Sie. On a letter from any German authority, Ihre Unterlagen means your documents.
Where Each One Belongs
| Situation | Which | Notes |
|---|---|---|
Bürgeramt, Ausländerbehörde, any Amt | Sie | never anything else |
doctor, pharmacy, bank | Sie | |
landlord, Hausverwaltung | Sie | even after years |
shops, restaurants, taxis | Sie | staff will use Sie with you |
new colleagues | Sie | until told otherwise |
job interview | Sie | |
neighbours | Sie | until one of you offers du |
friends, family, children | du | always |
anyone under about 16 | du | including strangers |
sports clubs, gyms, climbing halls | du | by tradition |
startups, agencies, most tech offices | du | often from day one |
students to other students | du | regardless of acquaintance |
church congregations | du |
Quick notes:
- The exception people find strangest is children. A stranger's eight-year-old gets du from you, automatically, and would find Sie bizarre. The switch happens somewhere around sixteen, and teenagers notice the first time an adult uses Sie with them — it's a small rite of passage.
- Large parts of German advertising use du with everyone. IKEA has done it for decades, and most app interfaces follow. That's marketing, not a licence to use du with the person behind the counter.
- In an office, watch what's on the email signatures. If people sign with first names only, the room is a du room.
How the Switch Happens
Moving from Sie to du is an actual offer, made out loud, and it comes from the older person, the more senior person, or the one who was there first.
We can use du, if you like.
Wir können uns gerne duzen.
Shall we switch to du?
Sollen wir uns duzen?
By the way, I'm Thomas.
Ich bin übrigens Thomas.
Just say du.
Sag doch einfach du.
Let's stay with Sie.
Bleiben wir lieber beim Sie.
Practice these words
Wir können uns gerne duzen.
Quick notes:
- Offering a first name is the offer. If a colleague says Ich bin übrigens Thomas, you reply with your own first name and switch to du from that moment.
- The verbs for this are duzen (to say du) and siezen (to say Sie). Germans use them constantly: Wir duzen uns hier, Ich sieze meinen Chef.
- The switch is one-way. Going back to Sie with someone you've been duzing is a deliberate cooling of the relationship, and it lands that way.
- You can decline. Bleiben wir lieber beim Sie is polite and occasionally the right call at work — but as the more junior person, you accept.
Two Regional Curiosities
Germans have names for the two mixed forms, which tells you they come up often enough to need them.
Hamburger Sie — first name plus Sie. Thomas, können Sie mir das schicken? It's common in northern offices and in media, and it sits halfway: friendly enough for first names, formal enough to keep a professional distance.
Münchner Du — du plus surname. Herr Müller, kannst du mir helfen? Heard in Bavaria, in trades and in long-standing teams where everyone is on du but the surname stuck.
Neither is a mistake. If someone addresses you this way, mirror it.
What Happens If You Get It Wrong
Very little, in practice. A foreigner using du at the Bürgeramt will be understood and served; it registers as a language mistake rather than an insult, and clerks hear it daily.
The place it costs something is with people you'll deal with repeatedly — a landlord, a Hausverwaltung, an older neighbour, a boss's boss. There, du reads as presumptuous rather than friendly, and it's the kind of small impression that lingers. The asymmetry is worth remembering: Sie where du was expected sounds slightly cold and is forgotten in a minute. Du where Sie was expected sounds like you've taken a liberty.
So when you genuinely can't tell, use Sie. It's the cheaper mistake.
Three Mistakes to Avoid
Forgetting to capitalise Sie in writing. Können sie mir helfen? asks whether they can help. In an email to an Amt or a landlord, the capital letter is the difference between addressing them and talking about someone else.
Using du because the website did. Company marketing, apps and ads use du freely. Their staff still expect Sie.
Switching back after being offered du. Once it's offered and accepted, that's the register. Returning to Sie is read as a step back, not as politeness.